Do you know where your daughter is?

Tricked out shiny black truck:  jacked up, chrome wheels, chrome running boards, heavily tinted windows, the whole nine yards.

Bumper Sticker in the rear window:

           Don’t Laugh

Your daughter might be in here.

Again, Hmmmmmmm.

Seattle’s historic Paramount Theater just replaced all of their incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescent light bulbs as a cost saving measure.

It cost them $400,000 to replace all the bulbs.

It will save them approximately $40,000 per year on their electricity bill.

If I remember correctly,  CFL’s need to be replaced every 7-10  years.  Is it just me or does this not make any sense?  Is this political correctness for the sake of political correctness?

On a side note, you know the motivational school posters that have a person with a light bulb over their head, symbolizing a bright idea?  I wonder when those posters will need to change from an incandescent to a CFL because kids won’t know what an old fashioned light bulb looks like.

On a more tangential note, I wonder when we’ll lose the pantomimed hand gesture for rolling down a window.  It’s a button now, not a handle.

Genius Headlines, Part 5

School District employee charged with stuffing $1.8 million in lunch money into her bra over an 8 year period charged with embezzlement

I’m guessing her cup size is larger than mine- I think I would have maxed out at maybe $100k.  Maybe.

 

(http://www.mymotherlode.com/news/state/ap/3520724/ExCA-school-accountant-charged-with-embezzlement.html)

My moment of glory

If you type in ‘dust bowl, prairie dogs, wordpress’ I am a startling #5 on the google list.  Add in quinoa and I pop up to the top of the list- go figure.

I just hope this doesn’t count towards my 15 minutes of fame.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…

I just had a guy, admittedly a quinoa-eating, organic only, hemp shirt kind-of-guy, tell me that killing the prairie dogs caused the dust bowl in the 1930’s.

Said that the prairie dogs created such vast underground tunnel systems that they actually affected the atmosphere by sucking in low pressure systems which then moved in rain-filled clouds.  Prairie dogs got killed- no low pressure, no rain.  Hmmmmm…

I just didn’t know what to say so I resorted to the first-date staple:  nodding and smiling.  Works every time.

(I’m puzzled by how to tag my posts sometimes, but I’m going to go with ‘dust bowl’ and ‘prairie dogs’ to see if that sucks people in)

Age Discrimination, part zwei

To put the last post in another, albeit less amusing, way:

Never date someone if you could have been their babysitter.

The previous one gets bigger laughs, but this one works, too.

Age Discrimination

I’ve got a rule that I won’t date men I could’ve given birth to.

That makes it minus 12 on the low end, minus none-of-your-business on the high end.

Twice I’ve broken the rule; twice I’ve regretted it.  Someone recently asked me why and I think it’s basically a difference in life-experience.

I went out to New Year’s Eve dinner with one of the guys and his parents.  He’d been house sitting for them while they were out of town.  At dinner he said ‘You’ll be happy to know I cleaned my room while you were gone’.  I said ‘It’s been decades since I’ve dated a guy who could tell his parents he cleaned his room’.  None of them were pleased with my statement.

The other guy?  I had to tell him it was necessary to wash both the inside and the outside of drinking glasses.  

‘Nuf said.

Employee of the Month

Speaking of Employee of the Month (and I was):

I’ve been self-employed for 22 years- I have a gardening business (Landscapers smell like gasoline, Gardeners have dirty knees).

In all that time, I’ve hired 3 men to help me, on 3 separate days.  Each time, they ended up costing me more money than they made.   All of them.  Buggers.

Anyway, for the customers who would get the joke, I’d often sign my invoices with the following:

Jane Doe

Employee of the Month, January 2006

If you don’t get the joke, you’re reading the wrong blob.

Just Amusing to Me

Very funny the start page of Google features the 123rd anniversary of Yosemite opening on the first day it’s shut down due to congressional pissing contests.  That’s multiple- the contests, that is.

Bags O’ Sugar

with all the technological and manufacturing advances, I still don’t understand why we can’t figure out how to seal a bag of sugar so it doesn’t leak.

Maybe if we get a team at Microsoft on this they’ll come up with a solution in 5 years, 4 1/2 years after someone else finds a solution.

Hey- if it weren’t true, it wouldn’t be funny.  Zune, Surface, Bing anyone?